Birth of the dream

11 years ago, I birthed the dream to become a traditionally published author.

Since then, I transitioned from day jobs in film to photography, to advertising, to education, to mental health, to my current gig in graphic design. I made and dissolved friendships. I fell in love for the first and second time—and then the third time to my favorite person in the history of the universe, with whom I got engaged and then married. I evolved from someone who admired Buddhist philosophy from afar, to a self-proclaimed “Buddh-ish,” to a practitioner now fully dedicated to awakening.

And while living all that life, I was writing—always writing.

Even when I was at shitty corporate job, balancing a laptop on my knees while hiding in the stairwell, or when I was a classroom teacher, using prep periods to plot a new story instead of grading student work. Always pursuing my dream.

Many wins along the way.

Some of my work has been published in indie anthologies; some are available on Amazon; some were printed into zines and distributed at local art events, to a warm and welcoming response. I also found a literary agent, who’s submitted my novel-length manuscripts to traditional publishers from the small presses to the Big Five (that is, Penguin Random House and the like).

But for the longest time, all I got was curt rejection slips.

And then, as my writing got better and my stories got richer, I started getting thoughtful, encouraging rejection slips—from more and more prestigious publishers, who printed books that became bestsellers and Netflix movies. “Almost, but not quite,” they said. “Grace is a strong writer, but I’ll have to pass.”

With noble intentions, a mentor once suggested a small change to a manuscript that would make the story appeal to a broader audience.

But also a small change that I thought at the time would conflict with my highest ideals. Because, in the 11 years since I started writing seriously, I also discovered that I only want to write about awakening as it was taught by the Buddha, about the releasing of all attachment—all greed, hatred, and delusion—in favor of kindness, wisdom, unshakeable peace.

With gratitude I told my mentor, “The way it’s written now is authentic to enlightenment as the Buddha taught it. Let’s keep it the way it is. I would rather be universally rejected for an authentic story than become a bestseller for anything else.”

And soon, a dream came true.

To be continued in my next post!